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Thursday, August 29, 2013


This week has been so busy. The kids headed back to school. Backpacks and notebooks. Crayons and pencils. Forms to fill out. The last thing I wanted was to have to have a conversation with my 7 and 9 year girls about Hannah-NOT-so-Montana-Anymore.

Now, before you get all judgmental on me, NO I did NOT watch the VMAs. I have no interest in them. For the most part as far back as I can remember there was some "artist" or another doing nasty stuff on that show. WHY in the world would I sit my kids down to watch something like that? But thanks to the hoopla and uproar even the evening news BOTH local and national and the morning news programs have had pictures of her splashed all over the place. When your daughter says, "But, Mommy, I thought she was on Disney. Why would she do that?" You have to address it.

We had a talk about how young women who respect themselves act. How acting like that in public is not appropriate. That showing your body in such a way in front of a bunch of people just isn't right. The girls agreed that nice girls don't take off their clothes in public and they don't dance like that. That wearing a NICE bathing suit was OK, but ONLY if you are swimming. Whew. Conversation over. (My girls are way too young to have the rest of the conversation regarding sex and PDAs, etc. Yet...thank goodness.)

However, the more I've thought and pondered on it over the past week, the more angry I've become. While I agree that the performance was downright icky, is it really that much worse than MANY other performances? All day every day our society is inundated with gyrating and scantily clad women. Heck, the Victoria's Secret fashion show is on prime time TV now. AND don't start with the, "It's classy and artistic" argument. It's women in sexy clothes traipsing around for large numbers of people's enjoyment. I'm no prude. I'm all for sexy clothes and ADULT women wearing them in appropriate context, but one only has to check the sales number from the porn industry to know that objectifying women and sex is very profitable. And that's just the legal stuff.

Why is the outrage just pointed at this 20 year old ADULT woman? Why not at all the others?  Watch any performance by nearly any female artist these days and I'll guarantee she's in nearly non existent clothing and dancing in a sexual way. You know what I think? I think it's because we all remember her as a little girl. How cute and smart and funny she was on that show. We see in her ALL our daughters. But, guess what? ALL those women on TV and in dance clubs and in movies and in strip clubs and porn are someone's daughter.

Maybe that's what we need to start thinking about. As the mother of young girls, I struggle to find clothes that are appropriate. Shorts are TOO short. Dresses too sexy. Tops with deep v-cuts. T shirts saying "I'm a princess" "I'm pretty" "Cheerleader" "Dance" All of which would be fine if you could also find ones saying "Athlete" "Math genius" "Reader" "Science Lover". You can't. Even those of us who TRY find it hard to dress our girls modestly. And why is that? Is it because of the media? Industry? NO. It's ALL of the mothers everywhere that buy that CRAP. They would not be making shorts that barely cover butts if we didn't buy them. Think about it.

And then I thought about the male half of this story. As far as I can tell, Miley Cyrus wasn't on that stage alone. As she was "twerking" there was a man, a MUCH, older man there touching her and pretending to the video.  I haven't heard ONE commentary about how a grown man shouldn't be doing that with a much younger girl on stage.  Once again the stereo type of SLUT vs STUD is more than obvious. It's OK for a man to have a video with multiple topless women singing about "I know you want it," but it is forbidden for a woman to respond in the only way a man wants her to when he says those words?

The funny thing is I actually kind of like that song. It's catchy. But, it's a perfect example of how hard it is to separate "fantasy" from reality. I don't think Robin Thicke who is married and father of a small child really dances around with naked women having sex with all of them all the time. At least I hope not. BUT, our kids can't separate that fact. We have got to start teaching our girls to value themselves. BUT we also have to  teach our boys to value our girls. If we don't do both, we have failed all our children.

This morning I read this post on my Facebook. And so the next conversation about this Cyrusgate I will be having will be with my 15 year old son. Reminding him that yes, there are some very beautiful and sexy women to look at but every one of those is a person with a brain and a soul. Somebody's mom or daughter or sister.  That real women of value are sexy and beautiful and desirous, but also smart and funny and honest and trustworthy and moral.  And that REAL men value REAL women.

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